Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
