Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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