Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
