just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize