about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
