dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
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He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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