she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
