i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
