You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
