is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
