As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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