Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
