I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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