i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
