oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
