I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
