the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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