I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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