so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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