But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
