Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
