Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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