What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
