Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
