was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
