mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
