we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
