It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
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I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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