I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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