The brown eye won't let me do that either.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
