someone owes me an orgasm
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
