Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
