she woke up with a sticky ear
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
