i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
