Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
