I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
