Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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