eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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