we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
