An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
