dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
