Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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