you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
