He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
