I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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