after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
