I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize