You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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