do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
