He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
