yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Your cock deserves a montage
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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