i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize