This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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