what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
