k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
