i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
you are never too drunk for berry picking
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
