Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a booty call, not a friend.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize