Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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