I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Randomize
