Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
The adults are the big ones right?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
