i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
