oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
