Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
