Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
