i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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