You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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