Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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