I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
